Like a Gold Ring in a Sow's Nose

Experience life through the eyes of two star ladies - tat, clothes, tatty clothes...and Goblin beefburgers in a tin washed down with a pint of warm flat Panda Cola.


Mrs Justine DiCaprio
Little House On the Prairie

FAO Brigit Jones
Head of Personnel
Disconnections HQ
Above Victoria Wine

b28th November 2006

Dear Bridge

I am writing to apply for the secondment opportunity as Science & Engineering Events Coordinator based in Pollard House. 

As you are aware I am already employed within the Education Business Partnership at Pollard House and you bunch of shysters at HQ are giving me the bum’s rush come March next year and I am quite frankly desperate, though I suspect I may make a complete hash of this post, and will in fact be looking for another job the whole time I am doing it.

My background is in education which to be honest is where I would rather be, but I have rather spectacularly managed to price myself out of the job market. And who wouldn’t?  13 weeks holiday and 3 times the money, but no they prefer to employ cheaper newly qualified teachers who then go off with stress after a term. And the supply has dried up because the government in their wisdom decided it was cheaper to employ what are ostensibly dinner ladies to cover for teacher sickness, or god forbid (and who thought of this???) when the class teacher has a day of a week BY LAW to prepare and mark lessons, and I always thought that was why they finished at half three and had 13 weeks holiday a year.

I have also worked in the private sector and that’s hard let me tell you, 40 hours a week and two weeks off a year, well I say 40 hours, on a good week I reckon about 20 hours spent actually working, allowing ample time for email, ebay and idle chatter in the kitchen. And I get to go shopping at lunchtime under the ruse that I am doing work stuff like going to the bank or posting letters, and I can claim mileage for it.

I am able to communicate effectively in writing and able to meet deadlines and prioritise my workload thus giving the illusion of hard work, but actually winging it as I have done since I was at school. I am also brutally honest, practically certifiable one week per month and what I believe is called a high functioning alcoholic, but to be fair so is everyone else in this organisation. I am keen to learn new skills, particularly how to wangle the flexi so I can have a couple of days off a month like everyone else seems to manage though they are here the same hours as me. I am also keen to stay in my current office so no one can read my e mail over my shoulder as this would put a severe crimp in my day. I do hope you see fit to offer me an interview if only so I can ask who is going to do my current job until March if I start doing this new one?

Yours sincerely

Justine DiCaprio

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